Finally made the call + still waiting for my packer

A (sort of) short blog post this time, just to keep you guys posted.

I bought my first packer (= a prostetic penis), and it should arrive yesterday, or today, maybe tomorrow. But it's not there yet, so I'm kinda tense about that right now. I really hoped it would come soon, and I'm all pumped up about it since yesterday already. Anyway, I will make a new post when I got it. (don't worry, faint hearted viewers, I will post any pictures with a link, so you can choose to view them or not. After all... it IS a sillicone thing shaped to look like a phallus)
But I feel really quite sad that it isn't here yet... :c

And secondly, I FINALLY called the VU today. For the few non-Dutch readers; the VU is where our 'genderteam' is and where they can help you get the medical stuff done, as well as get psychological help/support.
I really hate calling. No I mean... I REALLY hate calling. Like seriously. Phones are like torture devices for me. I don't even like calling with friends/family, and the thought of calling a stranger induces mortal fear within me. I just kept putting making that call off, because I was too freaking scared to do it. 
But now I finally got myself together, and DID it!
The guy who answered the phone was really nice and relaxed, and my "OMYGODIAMDYING!!!" kind of fear quickly subsided (though I still remained tense, which is not good for my voice, lol. It peaks up when I'm tense!), he talked me through everything very smoothly, and explained to me I would get a letter which I had to sign to give them permission to get my medical records from my G.P., should get a refferal from my G.P. myself (because otherwise the insurance won't cover), and then they'd make an appointment with me for intake in JULY already!
Now, don't get overexcited right away. I asked some people, and found out the intake is separate from the waiting list, so I still have to wait about a year for the actual thing to kick off, which will first consist of many questionnaires and psychological and physical assessments. But still... I might have hormones in one, two years from now, and at that time I will still have almost all of my life in front of me. Not bad, I think. Not bad.

In that time, I hope me, my parents and (all of my) friends will open up about this topic and be able to discuss it freely with each other, with respect and openness. Because right now... I still feel very "stupid" or "silly" or like "making a fuss" when I want to talk with them about it. I know those are MY thoughts, subconscious thoughts that I have engrained into my being to 'cope' with my body and social role, and not THEIRS, but they still hinder me. A lot.
But it is something I, and they as well, need to grow into. Which I am certain will happen with time.  

Aaand, it appears that when I try to write something short it still ends up being long....